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Short Funny Sayings

Thank you for visiting these Short Funny Sayings and Quotes. I hope you enjoy these Short Funny Quotes and Sayings from my large collection of Inspirational Sayings.

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

 

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

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The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

At the beginning, we are in relationship
because we are attracted to the other person -
we think they are sexy, smart, funny,
whatever it is that we find appealing.
But very quickly, the focus of the relationship
turns to whether we feel appreciated.
If we don't feel appreciated, we don't feel loved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anger is like a thorn in the heart.
- Yiddish Proverb

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We have only this moment,
sparkling like a star in our hand -
and melting like a snowflake.
- Marie B. Ray


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