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Funny Sayings
Funny Quotes and Sayings

Thank you for visiting these Funny Sayings and Quotes. I hope you find value in these Funny Quotes and Sayings from my large collection of Inspirational Sayings.

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Related topics: Inspirational Life Human-Nature Psychology Live-By Cute Whimsey Wisdom Humor

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer PHOTO

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

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When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz

Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Peter Ustinov

I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

There is hope for the future because God has a sense
of humor and we are funny to God.
- Bill Cosby

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Forgiveness is a funny thing.
It warms the heart and cools the sting.
- William Arthur Ward


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